In this article, we will talk about what to do and who is to blame for the fact that the child fell into bad company. Here you will find the advice of psychologists and reviews of parents.
How to understand that a child is in a bad company: signs
Children grow up very fast. While the child is just a kid, mom does not think about which company he will fall into. And about how this can affect his life in the future.
Any mother’s nightmare - her child is in a terrible situation that threatens his life and health. Any child can get into bad company. Both children from prosperous and dysfunctional families have equal chances to become those with whom parents forbid their children to communicate.
A dangerous period occurs in adolescence. Parents should be very attentive to their child at this age especially. After all, the environment greatly affects the formation of personality and future life. Then the child can understand that he was in a bad company, but time will be lost.
Let's put all the dots over the "I". First you need to figure out what a bad company is.
Important: If teenagers in a company wear ripped jeans and tunnels in their ears, this does not mean that the company is bad. In adolescence, many want to stand out and look for themselves.
If your teens are walking late with loud music and looking different from everyone, this does not mean that the company is bad. Teenagers can swear, and this is also not a sign of bad company. It is much worse when they engage in theft, use alcohol and drugs, smoke.
Parents should be wary if:
- The teenager began to disappear somewhere constantly and does not say anything about where he was.
- The teenager has become closed, behaving suspiciously, does not share anything with you.
- He became unusually rude.
- He does not want to introduce you to his friends or just talk about them.
- He began to lie.
Not just to be wary, but even to sound the alarm in such cases:
- The child began to skip school.
- Comes home with the smell of alcohol, cigarettes, with signs of beatings.
- Things began to disappear from the house.
- Does not sleep at home.
Unfortunately, growing up a child may not begin as parents imagined. Even the most positive children in their teens can break firewood. Parental opinion and words cease to be authority for many, and family values are no longer landmarks in life.
What is important for parents to remember in such a situation? One simple rule.
How to understand that a teenager got into a bad company
Important: The child was not dragged into bad company by other children, but he himself came there. It was his choice, his desire. But what became the reason for such a desire is a big question to be sorted out.
Why the child fell into bad company: reasons
The reasons teens get into bad company can be different. But the main reason is the cracks in the foundation of the family.
Reasons why a teenager gets into bad company:
- He does not want to live like parents. If there is no respect for each other in the family, parents are not interested in each other, if the house has a tense and cold atmosphere, then the child begins to look for brightness. While he does not understand that this brightness is imaginary, but he does not want to live the way they live in his family.
- If a child's opinion is not taken into account. If the child does not feel like a full member of the family, they are not considered with him, they never consult him. It is logical that he will find a place where he is respected, where he is listened to.
- Excessive criticism from parents in attempts to "grow a good man," and the lack of praise. If the child constantly hears reproaches and reproaches: you are not like that, you are doing everything wrong, it's all because of you, if not for you, look at Vasya, Petya, etc. In this case, the child will find a place where he will be accepted as he is, where he will be loved and praised.
- Resentment and desire to take revenge on parents. This happens when parents get divorced and begin to set the child against each other. If, for example, a younger child is loved more. If the child is unjustly punished without understanding the situation. Then the child acts on the principle: "I felt bad, and now it will be bad for you!". He does not understand what he is doing badly not only to his parents, but to himself, first of all.
- Fight for attention. It happens that parents are too busy with themselves, providing their families, household problems. As a result, they have absolutely no time for a child. They treat him with indifference, do not praise for success, however, as they do not punish. They do not pay due attention to him. In adolescence, a child may want to attract attention in this way. He thinks that let him be bad, let him be bad, but maybe even in this case they will notice him and turn his attention.
Important: Remember that a child is not always in a bad company because he is not a lover, has low self-esteem and seeks compensation for his feelings outside the home.
- Often teens experience youthful maximalism. Everything seems to be within their reach, they still do not understand the connection between the act and the consequence. They want to try something forbidden, they check the boundaries of the permissible.
- Also the reason for getting into a bad company may be boredom. A teenager may get tired of his usual way of life, he will want to throw something out of the ordinary. Perhaps he just has nothing to do after school.
- Sometimes teens want to gain emancipation and for this they go for advice to "bad girls" or "bad boys."
- It happens that a child, because of his age and youthful maximalism feels like a "messiah". Boys go to bad company to save girls, and girls - boys.
How to prevent a child from getting into bad company?
Important: In this situation, the problem is easier to prevent than to solve it later.
Parents should even think at the threshold of adolescence, how to make sure that the child does not go outside for advice, emotions, impressions, respect and the opportunity to express themselves.
What parents can do:
- Create an atmosphere in the family for the child security and confidencethat no "tough guys" can not replace this.
- Assure the child that he lovethat his opinion is very valuable, that his respect, accept and understand.
- Set with baby trusting relationship and in no case lose them.
- Show on the example of your family an interesting, vibrant lifefilled with respect and love for each other.
For this, it’s not enough to be people just living in the same territory. We must be people united by a common goal, interests, traditions.How to protect your child from bad company: tips
What can be done practically:
- Set family rules for respect for each other, if they are not. In each family, different rules may apply. For example, a mother does not have the right to go to a child without knocking. A teenager should not break the silence at 8 in the morning with music.
- Distribute family responsibilities. Everyone should have their own responsibilities, by which each family member makes an important contribution to the life and existence of the same family. For example, mom watches the house, dad makes money, a teenager goes to the grocery store.
- Establish family traditions. This is what unites the family and makes life brighter. For example, every weekend you should spend time actively. For example, everyone goes on a picnic together, everyone rides scooters, everyone goes to the cinema. The main thing is that this is interesting for all family members.
Important: Parents should direct the vector of attention not only to the child, but also to themselves. Think about your family’s goals? What interests? How do you spend your leisure time and what can you teach your child? How to fill your child?
If parents themselves lead a lifestyle from which they should not take an example, why be surprised? Start with yourself. Then ask yourself the following questions:
- What am I talking about most often with a child?
- Do interesting joint activities and leisure unites us?
- What kind of parent am I in terms of a child?
Answer yourself very honestly to these questions. Most conversations with children come down to lessons, behavior, and homework. Less often, parents talk about life topics. Joint activities are often in the conduct of life. What kind of understanding, trust, friendship between a parent and a child can we talk about?
Try to be your friend. Do not lose confidence in his eyes. If he catches you even once at the moment when you climbed into his phone, confidence will be lost.
So that the child does not have time and desire to mess with the "bad guys" take all his free time. Find a hobby that will appeal to a teenager:
- Driving school
- Art school
- Foreign language School
There are a lot of possibilities, you only need desire.
Video: Teen and Company
What to do to parents if the child is in bad company: advice from a psychologist
If it was not possible to prevent the situation, and the child was already in bad company, it’s not too late to fix it. The main thing:
- Do not panic and do not be alarmed!
- Do not show your indignation and disagreement!
- Act wisely!
Important: If the child is in bad company, your goal is to "turn the child to his face."
What to do:
- Gather information about his new friends. Find out who they are, where, what they do. You cannot directly forbid your teenager from talking to them; he will do it secretly afterwards. But you can by chance sow doubt in his mind regarding new friends.
- Talk to your growing child more often, offer him interesting activities, do something, distract from bad company. Ask about how the day went, what's interesting.
- Talk about his new friends. Let the child tell you about them, do not put them on the black list. So you can get more trust from your child.
- Try to become a friend of your child. Tell us about yourself, about your adolescence. Do not faint from learning that a child is smoking. Instead, tell him how the girl in your class felt bad about it.
- Warn of dangers but leave it your choice. Follow your child’s advice. Listen to his point of view. Consider his opinion.
You cannot lock a teenager in a room and forbid him to communicate with his company. This will cause the opposite effect. Talk on this topic without hostility.
Do not say, “How could you do this?”
Together of this:
- "I'm worried something will happen to you."
- "Promise me to give you a sign if you are in danger!"
- "I worry when you walk late."
- Help your child find an alternative to gatherings with a bad company: write him to a driving school, to dance, to diving courses.
- Help your child see the difference between good and bad company communication.
- Try to drag a child to a psychologist if you see that you cannot influence the situation yourself.
Some parents make fundamental decisions until they move to another city if they see that the company is sucked by bad company.
It is better to take all necessary measures than then to look for your child in the children's rooms of the police and in hot places. For parents, this is not a simple matter. Indeed, on their shoulders lies a lot of worries. But it is very important not to miss this moment. For the parent, the most valuable thing is the life of the child.How to get a child out of bad company
Child and bad company: reviews
Tatyana: “I advise you to recall yourself more often in adolescence: what words hurt you, what you felt, why you rebelled against your parental will. Then it will be easier to understand the child. Do not panic. Give children the opportunity to“ get sick ”with their adolescence. Do not be afraid and do not be shy to show your love for older children. Do not make fun of their problems, even if they seem ridiculous to you. A child should know that his family will always understand, accept and forgive him. Many adolescents go through this, but most people understand with age that is good and what is bad. ".
Victoria: “I myself was a troubled teenager. With my friends we tried many forbidden and unnecessary things. Mom forbade me to communicate with my friends in elevated tones, threatened, screamed. Once I said to her:“ Do you want to forbid, but still I will communicate with them . Only you will not know anything about it. "So it was. Until our paths with friends parted."
Valentine: "My son is a teenager. We are going through the stage of becoming an individual, but so far there are no problems with a bad company. Maybe because from a very young age my husband and I were friends, authority, support for our son. We always praise, always reckon with him. We tell and explain what such actions lead to. We speak on all topics, do not hesitate. We discuss relations with girls, we speak on the topic of friendship and betrayal. We discuss dreams and plans, we travel. My son and I have a reinforced concrete rule - what would happen to him didn’t happen, he will let us know and we are for Yerem his help, saving. In the evening, I go for a walk. I still keep quiet. ".
A bad company is a consequence, and the reasons can be very serious. To prevent and get a child out of bad company, parents need considerable dedication, patience, and wisdom. You should not look for the guilty in this situation, you just need to change it. We hope you can solve this problem in the least painless way for yourself and for the teenager.